March 03, 2009

Emotional Atyachaar

She picks up the cigarette in her hand. Rolls it between her fingers. Back and forth...slowly...very slowly, as if trying to derive at the exact measure of its diameter. Her mind, still clouded with indecisiveness, she observes the little white stick in great detail. The symbol, the text, the fine lines running across the brown filter. The rolling makes the tobacco pop up on the surface. The coarse curled insides look like wood shavings to her. I musn't be doing this, she says to herself. But her hands are not ready to let it go. She draws it closer to her nose. The stick running just beneath her nostils in a smooth fashion - the kinds she'd seen in movies umpteen number of times. The smell is familiar - nothing more than a faint memory though. But she knows it well, it doesnt take long for the faint to become clearer. She puts the cigarette in her mouth and lights a match. The light touches the tip; she takes a drag and sees the edges glow in a fiery orange.

She inhales, only to let the fumes swirl in her mouth for a couple of seconds. Then, slowly she lets it out. The white smoke makes its way up but the smell of the nicotine teases her palate. She takes another drag and then another - inhaling a bit of smoke each time. Finally, the cylindrical stick reaches its safety end. The last drag is long, as if trying to make the end the most rewarding.

The euphoria ends. She looks at the stub, the intoxicating smell still surrounding her. She sighs in disbelief.

Things she does to feel close to him.

15 comments:

~ ॐ ~ said...

It be stupid to ask why we do not to nice things to ourselves when we are in pain...

but then why do we?

Rhapsody said...

Kambakth Ishq!!!!

Par Rehta Hai Jab Tak Yeh Kambakth Jannat Dikhaata Hai Re...

girish said...

killer last line.

bhumika said...

@om

At times, we like to go through some pain, isn't it? More so, when the pain stems out of b'ful memories of the past.

And if that moment of stupidness can give you a moment of bliss, why not?

@rhapsody

Good to see you here and thanks for all the previous comments.

"Kambakth Ishq!" I never thought of that!

I like the word jannat - describes that feeling so perfectly!

@girish

had it not been for our last conversation, i wouldn't have written this. so, thanks to you!

vineeta said...

interesting writing :) bring it on!

bhumika said...

@vineeta

thanks! good to see you on the blog aftter such a long time.

Piggy Little said...

emagnificent. :-)

dharmabum said...

well, i smoke because i like it - no excuses, no atyachaar :)

Swapnil said...

God, I hope this post isn't read by impressionable kids. You make smoking sound so very alluring...

Shyam D said...

wow ! that was a perfect description..

bhumika said...

@neha

thanks lady :)

@dharmabum

this post wasn't meant to comment on smoking...just how at times you do the most unimaginable things when you feel lost and miserable

@swapnil

god, where have you been? it's been ages...

well, thanks for the comment and i hope so too :)

@shyam

welcome to my blog. thanks for your appreciation :)

Taraana said...

Love the last line. Just don't understand why I need to be him. I'd rather make him 'me'

bhumika said...

@Taraana

First of all, welcome! Thanks for your point of view. But being a woman, i always imagine the protagonist as a 'she'.

In this particular story, i've used a third person narrative and hence the 'him' and not 'me'.

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