English, Professor!

There are those famous jokes about the way Gujaratis speak English – snack-snakes; hall-hole, etc. For 21 years in Ahmedabad, I had never come across any Gujarati who spoke that way. However, sometime in 2004, while on my train to Pune, a Gujarati girl scared the shit out of me when she said, “My bag is full of snakes.” It took some seconds to realize what she meant.

My point being, English is a very funny language. Just a slight twitch of a syllable and the entire context changes. And professors are those species who have the knack of using it in the weirdest ways. Forget the ‘open the windows and let the airforce come in’ under-grad jokes. We are talking about the use of English language at the Masters level. And when it comes to DCS, you are sure to chance upon some real gems of phonetic bends.

Here, every professor has a distinct style. Let me begin with Mr D – the same not-so-beloved professor who taught us the basics of Mass Com. His tragedy is that he often gets confused with the long 'eeee' and the short 'i' in words. The result – some absolutely new meanings emerging out of bland sentences and many embarrassing moments…

The beginning – innocent and forgivable…

Media is a very complex subject. To understand it completely, you need to pip into the nuances. (peep into the nuances).

For a class that would dig double-meaning in every sentence, this was perhaps their best chance…

This was during our class trip to Goa:
This is such a rare sight – so many goats on a bitch!!! (beach)

After this one, girls were ready to kill him!

While talking about the Press Council of India:
It’s like a paper tiger with rubber *** (teeth)

But this is just the teeep of the iceberg. Once you seeeet in his class, you’ll realize how torturous things can get! His tongue sleeps was too much :P

Rewind – stop – play

Pune. Call it a seductress – that’s what it is. Three years of bitter-sweet experiences in this city have made me the person I am today. And here is an attempt to relive those moments that are etched in my memory. Funny, sad, nonsensical, enlightening – documenting some of these moments is my way of falling in love with the city all over again. So let’s start where my life took a 360 degree turn – the University of Pune.

June 2004

Our not-so-beloved professor is teaching us the basics of Mass-Com. Most of the students are yawning, others are daydreaming. It’s just the first month and many have already mastered the art of sleeping with their eyes wide open! I’m the unfortunate one – sitting in the first row, obediently listening to each and every word and taking down extensive notes. The voice of an over- enthusiastic professor in the next classroom cuts across the fake sound-proof walls and makes the already boring lecture absolutely incomprehensible. And it’s not just the voice; a foul smell too enters the classroom. The dead souls in the class start making some movement. Twitched noses and disgusted looks finally bring us all to a common ground. Everyone exchanges quick looks, suspecting that the one sitting next to him has farted. Not that such an incident had never taken place in school or college but studying at a Master’s level in this esteemed University made me believe that students no longer open-fire in stuffed classrooms. After 15 minutes of torture, the lecture gets over and we catch hold of the culprit – it’s the unclean loo, strategically constructed a few steps away from our class. Eeewww…

Welcome to a whole new world of academic experience. We call it DCS – The Department of Communication Studies. Tucked away in a not-so-nice-looking corner of the oh-so-beautiful Pune University, this is the place where I shall be unlearning the old ways of learning for the coming two years.